One Step Forward And Two Steps Back

This will probably not be a long post. I am recovering from yet another illness.

in·er·tia

iˈnərSHə/

noun

1. 1.

   a tendency to do nothing or to remain unchanged.

   
   

   "the bureaucratic inertia of government"

   
   

   synonyms:

   inactivity, inaction, inertness; More

2. 2.

   PHYSICS

   a property of matter by which it continues in its existing state of rest or uniform motion in a straight line, unless that state is changed by an external force.

When I got sick this time, I had been feeling exceptionally good for a few weeks. I had a sort of vacation with some of my family and I had plans to do things that needed doing when I got back home.

And then, WHAM! I got sick within 24 hours of getting home. Now that I feel better(I don't mean to say well) I can't seem to get my stride. It's as if someone came up and kicked my legs out from under me and I rolled down a hill and got the breath knocked out of me.

In order to get back on my feet, I went to the store with my beautiful daughter this evening. I had to use a cane to stand up. That's how weak I am. It's taking me some effort to restart.

I had a really pathetic thought while I was out. I really want to get better so that I can get a flu shot. That's going to immediately make me sick again. I haven't mentioned that I had a whole week of doctors visits, tests and procedures scheduled which I had to miss. Now I have to reschedule those as well. But I have to get well enough to be poked and prodded. 

I make a concerted effort not to feel sorry for myself, but it's difficult not to be frustrated. One thing is for certain, with chronic illness and pain, your coping mechanisms get stretched to the limit. 

When I was in the hospital this time, it was for a UTI and dehydration from vomiting. The nurse stabbed me with the IV and when it didn't work she said, "Oh, you really are dehydrated." I really wanted to slug her. When I don't feel well my tolerance for stupid or condescending remarks is minimal at best. 

And then I had people aggravating me via text and phone. When you can't hold your head up, talking on the phone isn't on the to do list. You really want to cut loose with some expletives. No, I don't want to buy anything, do anything for you, be anything or hear anything.  

September is Chronic Pain Awareness Month. Maybe in time, people will get it and stop saying stupid things to sick people. In the meantime, all we can do is try to educate them. I know I hate it when I have been sick and someone tells me I should get out more or be more active. I've learned what my limitations are and I am not pushing myself without a good reason. I will eventually get

my steam back.